Been feeling very mixed the last few days, a very confusing mix of emotions and feelings. We have to produce a self portrait in the style of an artist of our choice for monday. i chose egon schiele, his art work really inspires me and i felt a connection to his portraits over the last few days. i just cant get his painting style correct a very interesting and different style but absolutely stunning. So much emotion and vulnerability.
When i was a kid, i got asked to produce a drawing that expressed Autumn, the winner got the work in a calendar for the school. I worked and i worked on this drawing, expressing my feelings of Autumn. I won. I told my Mum and Dad that they could buy the calendar with my work in it, i was so proud. I showed my parents my work, and although they were happy for me told me they that although it was good, my sister's new drawing of a bird was better... more realistic. Through out all of my childhood and teenage years, i was told i was not as good as my sister and to this day i still do. I would constantly compare my work to hers, and eventually i gave up art completely. I had a pang of jealousy when i would see other peoples art work, and suppress the jealous feeling towards my sister and the anger i felt towards my parents. I felt even more guilt and as i grew i built up this wall around myself, i put on a mask of a confident girl, who did not feel jealousy, sadness or frustrat...
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